Jesus Juice

If you haven't heard the news yet that Michael Jackson died today, you're living under a rock. Turn on the news! The story is being covered in all the gorey details as I write this post.

What was the reason he had a cardiac arrest? Too many prescription pills? Not enough love from his parents? Money problems? Pushing himself too hard to get in shape for his impending London tour? There are rumors that he was anorexic so perhaps not enough food? We may never know for sure. The toxicology reports won't come back for several weeks, perhaps even months.

But the thing that struck a cord in me today while I was watching this strange story unfold was something that one of the reporters said. They rehashed all of the grotesque details of the trial when he was accused (and acquited) of molesting little boys at the Neverland Ranch. It was said that Michael called white wine "Jesus Juice" and he referred to red wine as "Jesus's Blood." As a self-proclaimed wine nerd (and wino), I immediately wondered what kind of wine did Michael Jackson prefer? Did he give his little friends cheap stuff ala "Three-buck Chuck" and save the really expensive stuff for himself? Or did he give his Neverland Ranch companions whatever he drank? Did Michael prefer California wine over European wine? Did he prefer sweet wine over dry wine? Or was he into Wine Coolers? That would probably appeal to kids. My younger daughter used to grab my wine cooler out of my hand and take a swig from the bottle when she was barely able to talk. Yes, I just admitted that I drank wine coolers. It was the 80s. And I wasn't nearly as sophisticated as I am now. What? You expect me to believe you've never tried a wine cooler? Liar! Just shut up!

Anywho, the unexpected and untimely passing of an American cultural icon is sad and shocking, and just like millions of his fans all over the world, I too am trying to process the news.

Whether you prefer Jesus Juice or Jesus's Blood (my personal favorite, especially when blended with some horrible sinners' blood and a couple of Judases' blood, just to make it more balanced), wine has nearly always been a part of our history, our culture, and will always be in our lives in some form or fashion.

Michael Jackson, you've brought a lot of joy and pleasure to the world in the form of your music, your innovative dance moves, your ground-breaking music video Thriller, your ability to cross the race barriers (first you were black, then you became white), and to make us feel jealous of your extreme fame and genius talent, and to make us feel sorry for you in recent years with your bizarre life events, as well as our horror at your public balcony baby-dangling.

I toast a glass of Bruno's Blend (special blend of virgin men blood and baby platypus blood) to you tonight, Michael Jackson. As the saying goes - the brightest stars burn out the fastest. RIP, King of Pop.